I had my 35 weeks dr appointment today. Gained another 7 pounds, not happy about that. My blood pressure was 104 to 70, happy about that. Even more happy about Chandler's heart rate 145. I finally have my ultrasound scheduled for next week!!!!!! They are also planning to take some fluid out, did not plan on that, but I am sure that they know what they are doing. So next weeks, I will see my little pumpkin again, I cannot wait! Doctor said that they will have detailed measurements done and make a decision if I will need a C-section, if so, the earliest can be done at 39 weeks, which is ok with me. Longer my little Chandler with me is better!
I just got a phone call form the breastfeeding specialist. She was asking me if I am considering donating my milk to the milk bank. I was thinking about it for a while but I still could not give her a definite answer. I feel a little bit selfish here, but here are my thoughts and here where I need your advice..
I understand that by doing that I will help some other kids in Chandler's memory. But.. I cannot even imaging pumping milk and do not have a baby?? Going to work, and trying to pump milk somewhere in the restroom when everyone knows about my loss?? Going to the funeral of my child and pumping milk afterwords?? the specialist told me that it is the way how they started it here , in Ohio. One lady who lost her baby wanted to support other children in her baby's memory. They said it actually helps other mothers to go thru the grieving process. They said I can stop at any moment. Maybe I will just do it while on my maternity leave?? I don't know yet.. I am really straggling.. I don't want to be selfish but I also do not want to destroy myself emotionally..