Wednesday, October 7, 2009

3 weeks later

Today would be Chandler's due date - October 7, 2009. It is my father's birthday too.

I cannot believe that Chandler was born and left us 3 WEEKS AGO! I feel like it was just yesterday. I am looking at his pictures every day and I am so happy that I have them. It helps me to remember every moment we spent together.. I will never forget when doctor said that Chandler is here and everyone became so quite.. Two seconds later Chandler started crying, not for long but he did. They called Tom to meet him. Minute later Tom ran back to me to say that he is alive but very weak. He left again and come back with our beautiful Chandler in his hands and said, " I have somebody I want to introduce you to". I will never forget this moment. I was so happy that I started crying..

These 3 weeks were very hard for our family. With losing Chandler, my c-section recovery, we got another news - Tom's cousin passed away last Wednesday. He had a kidney and prostate transplant a day before Chandler's funeral. He was waiting for it for a year. Everything went great. His doctor was very happy with the results. Everyone was saying that he was like brand new person, talking, joking, giving hugs.. He got really sick on Monday, they took him for another surgery and he did not make it.. Tom is so heartbroken. His cousin Rick was 12 years older than Tom but they used to spend a lot of time together than they were kids.

So we had calling hours this Sunday and funeral this Monday. My Mom came too and I can tell how hard it was on her because of my brother (who died on October 22, 2007 due to car accident) and Chandler. So three mothers (Tom's Aunt, my Mom and I) who just lost their sons, we had a very nice and heartbreaking conversation about our losses and the only hope we have that one day we will meet our boys in Heaven and we all will be finally happy together.

All this time I was asking myself what God is testing me for by loosing Chandler. I think I found the answer.. I was so scared of death and even funerals, but not anymore. Now, I want to enjoy every moment I have on Earth with the people I love and will love, but one day, when it is the time, I am going to be happy to leave this world and join people I love in Heaven. I love you Chandler!


  1. I am so sorry. Your life has been hit very hard.

  2. I am sorry that you have had another loss so soon. I hope you are doing fine.

  3. It is so new for you, I am sorry for your loss.


  4. Lena, I am so proud to call you my friend. Even through your heartache your trying to find the positive. I applaud you.

    I got the card and picture you sent me. I sat in my car an cried when I opened it. Not because I was sad, but it was such a beautiful gesture. I LOVE the picture you sent me, and it is hanging on my fridge as we speak.

    Hugs and prayers to you!

  5. I haven't met you but wanted to say that you are in my prayers. I am not sure why God allows these things to happen but i know that your lil guy is waiting for you in heaven! My son has a lethal condition and I am blessed by every minute he is alive. Hugs and prayers... Jenna

  6. Thanks for finding us, I am so sorry for what you've had to go through. :o( We will keep you and your family in our prayers. Sometimes God lets us keep our little ones, and sometimes he seems to need them more than we do, though that's really hard to imagine or accept. I'm so glad you got some time with him. Thank you for sharing your story and your strength!