Wednesday, October 7, 2009

3 weeks later

Today would be Chandler's due date - October 7, 2009. It is my father's birthday too.

I cannot believe that Chandler was born and left us 3 WEEKS AGO! I feel like it was just yesterday. I am looking at his pictures every day and I am so happy that I have them. It helps me to remember every moment we spent together.. I will never forget when doctor said that Chandler is here and everyone became so quite.. Two seconds later Chandler started crying, not for long but he did. They called Tom to meet him. Minute later Tom ran back to me to say that he is alive but very weak. He left again and come back with our beautiful Chandler in his hands and said, " I have somebody I want to introduce you to". I will never forget this moment. I was so happy that I started crying..

These 3 weeks were very hard for our family. With losing Chandler, my c-section recovery, we got another news - Tom's cousin passed away last Wednesday. He had a kidney and prostate transplant a day before Chandler's funeral. He was waiting for it for a year. Everything went great. His doctor was very happy with the results. Everyone was saying that he was like brand new person, talking, joking, giving hugs.. He got really sick on Monday, they took him for another surgery and he did not make it.. Tom is so heartbroken. His cousin Rick was 12 years older than Tom but they used to spend a lot of time together than they were kids.

So we had calling hours this Sunday and funeral this Monday. My Mom came too and I can tell how hard it was on her because of my brother (who died on October 22, 2007 due to car accident) and Chandler. So three mothers (Tom's Aunt, my Mom and I) who just lost their sons, we had a very nice and heartbreaking conversation about our losses and the only hope we have that one day we will meet our boys in Heaven and we all will be finally happy together.

All this time I was asking myself what God is testing me for by loosing Chandler. I think I found the answer.. I was so scared of death and even funerals, but not anymore. Now, I want to enjoy every moment I have on Earth with the people I love and will love, but one day, when it is the time, I am going to be happy to leave this world and join people I love in Heaven. I love you Chandler!